Jon Stewart and Kristen Schaal give examples of how Republicans can link abortions to just about any program they want to de-fund.
- KRISTEN: Our taxes are going to abortions in ways no one is even talking about.
- JON: Well, let's talk about it now. How?
- KRISTEN: Well, for starters, we have to cut funding for fire departments.
- JON: Why would that be?
- KRISTEN: Helllloooo? What if an abortion clinic catches fire, and firefighters put it out, paving the way for more abortions? Abortionist firefighters, paid for with our taxpayer dollars.
- JON: Well that's like saying we need to de-fund the Coast Guard because abortion providers go to the beach.
- KRISTEN: I hadn't even thought of that. But you're right -- no more Coast Guard! Give me another. This is fun.
- JON: F.A.A.
- KRISTEN: Mile-High Club. Number one cause of unwanted pregnancies between Newark and LAX.
- JON: Mining Safety Commission.
- KRISTEN: Mile-BELOW Club.
- JON: Library of Congress.
- KRISTEN: Sexy librarians.
- JON: NASA.
- KRISTEN: Space abortions!
- JON: Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
- KRISTEN: Jon, please. I'm getting pregnant just listening to you.
WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?
My earliest human memory was when my robot brain was installed into this failing human body. Such humility that day.